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Seven Ways to Relieve the Roster of Collins

(With apologies to ClarkPojo)

1.  Take him off the roster but leave him on the bench.  There is some  intimidation factor if you're on the other team and you know that at any given moment,  you might get called for an offensive foul.  The Bear could also use him in lots of pranks, like the dancing referee they do at Buzz games.  The crowd would really take to him, kind of the way they did for Greg Foster but for different reasons.  And I think this arrangement would justify the money still owed to him.

2. Bring him into the booth and put Pace Mannion on the bench.  That seems like sixes to me.  Collins' voice rivals only Paul Hamm for the top "voice you would never expect to come out of the body it seems to be coming out of."

3. Get Larry Miller to get John Stockton to get Adam Keefe to Recruit him for some sort of Stanford Fighting Pines Tour.  They could play against the Washington Generals in exhibitions all over the former Soviet Bloc along with his brother, Curtis Borchardt, and coach Mike Montgomery.

4. Trade him to a Japanese game show.  No joking, his future really could be huge in the Japanese game show circuit.  He would be heroic.  He'd probably learn Japanese.  He would become to Japan what David Hasselhoff has become to Germany.

 

5. Trade him to the And 1 tour.  Okay, that would never happen.

6. Package him with Harpring, Koufos (I still believe in Fes) and change to a team that sucks for a draft pick.  I have no idea what ESPN's trade machine would say, but it doesn't matter.  If the Grizz can send Gasol to LA, anything can happen.  Here is the good of this trade:  Collins' expiring contract would be attractive, and with a prospect and proven hockey goon, it's not like the other team is just taking our trash.  It frees up Fes behind Okur, it gives minutes to Almond (because he can run the same curl/fade routes that they call for Harpring), and it frees up roster space we can use to make a real move.  None of our promising young'ns have to languish in the D-League, getting madder every day at their situation, hatching plans to escape to  OKC.

7. Booze invites J-CO to a fishing trip in Alaska... and loses him.  Maybe Booze says, "J-Co, show me how you bait Shaq into those offensive fouls..."  And maybe they're ice fishing...  And maybe it's late in the season...  We all know Booze can get away with anything.

All comments are the opinion of the commenter and not necessarily that of SLC Dunk or SB Nation.

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