Seven Ways to Relieve the Roster of Collins
by MTN
on Aug 7, 2008 7:16 PM MDT
10 comments
(With apologies to ClarkPojo)
1. Take him off the roster but leave him on the bench. There is some intimidation factor if you're on the other team and you know that at any given moment, you might get called for an offensive foul. The Bear could also use him in lots of pranks, like the dancing referee they do at Buzz games. The crowd would really take to him, kind of the way they did for Greg Foster but for different reasons. And I think this arrangement would justify the money still owed to him.
2. Bring him into the booth and put Pace Mannion on the bench. That seems like sixes to me. Collins' voice rivals only Paul Hamm for the top "voice you would never expect to come out of the body it seems to be coming out of."
3. Get Larry Miller to get John Stockton to get Adam Keefe to Recruit him for some sort of Stanford Fighting Pines Tour. They could play against the Washington Generals in exhibitions all over the former Soviet Bloc along with his brother, Curtis Borchardt, and coach Mike Montgomery.
4. Trade him to a Japanese game show. No joking, his future really could be huge in the Japanese game show circuit. He would be heroic. He'd probably learn Japanese. He would become to Japan what David Hasselhoff has become to Germany.
5. Trade him to the And 1 tour. Okay, that would never happen.
6. Package him with Harpring, Koufos (I still believe in Fes) and change to a team that sucks for a draft pick. I have no idea what ESPN's trade machine would say, but it doesn't matter. If the Grizz can send Gasol to LA, anything can happen. Here is the good of this trade: Collins' expiring contract would be attractive, and with a prospect and proven hockey goon, it's not like the other team is just taking our trash. It frees up Fes behind Okur, it gives minutes to Almond (because he can run the same curl/fade routes that they call for Harpring), and it frees up roster space we can use to make a real move. None of our promising young'ns have to languish in the D-League, getting madder every day at their situation, hatching plans to escape to OKC.
7. Booze invites J-CO to a fishing trip in Alaska... and loses him. Maybe Booze says, "J-Co, show me how you bait Shaq into those offensive fouls..." And maybe they're ice fishing... And maybe it's late in the season... We all know Booze can get away with anything.
All comments are the opinion of the commenter and not necessarily that of SLC Dunk or SB Nation.
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I like #6
but I’m not sure we should throw KK2 in there just yet (unless it was a really, really bad team we’re trading him to).
by Vromanite on
Aug 7, 2008 7:24 PM MDT
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No Apologies Needed.
This is a great list. I especially liked number 2 and 4. They would love a hard worker like Collins to come to Japan and be a star. Then he could get citizenship and start for the Japanese Olympic team.
The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear.
by clarkpojo on
Aug 7, 2008 8:29 PM MDT
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4's nice.
3 would be hilarious.
The Utah Jazz. The Jazz... duh.
The best NBA team in Utah... no doubts about it!
Playing For Pride. Pirates, Utes, Panthers, and more...
Because, in the end, only one team can "win it all".
by UtesFan89 on
Aug 7, 2008 9:59 PM MDT
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Oops...
didn’t finish the thought.
Great job with this.
The Utah Jazz. The Jazz... duh.
The best NBA team in Utah... no doubts about it!
Playing For Pride. Pirates, Utes, Panthers, and more...
Because, in the end, only one team can "win it all".
by UtesFan89 on
Aug 7, 2008 10:00 PM MDT
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Send him to NJ
They’re looking to free up cap space for LeBron. And they would save money because they could just use Jason’s jerseys.
by Basketball John on
Aug 7, 2008 11:00 PM MDT
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You are onto something.
I still say we contact Adam Keefe first, but if that doesn’t work, give the Nets the pitch. How could they turn that down?
by pmannion on
Aug 8, 2008 8:40 AM MDT
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Why? Why do you all hate on Collins
We pay the dude pennies on the dollar and he is one of the best in the league at straight up pissing players off.
Keep him and resign him when the contract is up.
by CB Jack on
Aug 8, 2008 12:25 PM MDT
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wow.. Are you serious?
Re-sign him? That’s just crazy talk.
Tell me what he’s done to piss people off.. making people jealous of his Stanford education? Cuz he sure hasn’t done ANYTHING on the court to vilify himself.
I would simply buy him out… just to make room for KK2 and Fes. At least they’re somewhat hungry.
Whitewater In The Morning
by neff on
Aug 8, 2008 5:06 PM MDT
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collins is hungry...
jerry just doesn’t feed him. remember they got into an argument during a game a while back over his playing time?
by moni on
Aug 8, 2008 6:24 PM MDT
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Remember the game where Flop
came out and complained that he wasn’t getting the ball enough?
The Utah Jazz. The Jazz... duh.
The best NBA team in Utah... no doubts about it!
Playing For Pride. Pirates, Utes, Panthers, and more...
Because, in the end, only one team can "win it all".
by UtesFan89 on
Aug 8, 2008 6:33 PM MDT
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