Who is up for some more All-Star rapping?

by clarkpojo on Sep 14, 2008 8:06 PM MDT Comment 8 comments

A couple of weeks ago moni posted a great youtube shot of the 1989 all star game intros that is worth checking out if you haven't yet. I just thought that a rap had to be written about the current all stars from last year's game, so I got out the old pen and paper and came up with some rhymes of my own. Drop the appropriate beat while reading and hopefully enjoy. Here are the East All-Stars, with the West All-Stars soon to come.

Jason Kidd- If you stare at a computer, you might get eye strain. Quiet on the set, Kidd’s got a fake migraine. He soured New Jersey, but that was just the first town. Dallas bet the farm, so they could lose in the first round. Cause he’s an all-star.

Dwyane Wade- D-Wade is no joke just like anorexia. Whoever came up with his name has dyslexia. He slices and dices like a gourmet chef. He’s an NBA champ, he got some help from the refs. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Kevin Garnett- Sam Cassell looks like ET, that’s not all I’m sayin’, cuz Kevin Garnett looks like the bad guys from Alien. Tom Brady likes the football; it’s much more tossable. But KG got his ring, because ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!! And he’s an All-Star.

Lebron James- Lebron James, full of fortune and fame, is he really a king, or just a royal pain? Let the bidding begin, may the best team win. Come 2010, he’s gonna leave Cleveland. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Dwight Howard- Dwight Howard. Big power. He’s bigger than a tower. I would call him a sissy, but I’m a really big coward. It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s D-Howard down the lane. And then he dunks it. Hard. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Ray Allen- Sweet stroking the three, the purest shot in the league. He looks a lot like Mos Def, but that might just be me. He’s got game. That movie’s lame. But he’s an All-Star.

Chauncey Billups- Sure he’s got buck teeth, but he’s Mr. Big Shot. He can drive to the hole. Lindsay Lohan is hot. Well, at least before pot. And she’s seems like a snot. I forgot about Chauncey, but the NBA did not. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Chris Bosh-My favorite spice girl is Posh, my favorite Raptor is Bosh, I’m not much into cuss words, my favorite swear word is Gosh. Cause Bosh is an All-Star.

Caron Butler- With a name like “tough juice”, he’s the toughest kid around. Remember when the lakers traded Butler for a dud named Kwame Brown? And Brown just rode the bench, but the irony- is that the Lakers are looking for toughness from their 3. And Kwame’s not an All-Star.

Richard Hamilton- You don’t need to ask, he doesn’t really need the mask. But it’s become a part of him, he’ll prob’ly wear it in his cask. Motown is still groovin’ cuz the guy won’t stop movin’, when you get an ouchy, Rip’s got a shot that’s soothin’. And he’s an All-Star, baby.

Antawn Jamison-If you want to upset him, you can call him an elf then. Antawn was an All-Star because each team needs a 12th man. The East was the Least. Bread rises with yeast and the next best player was as good as Adam Keefe. So Jamison’s an All-Star.

Joe Johnson- Playing as an All-Star must have felt like a dream, cuz Johnson might not even be the best player on his team. But some days I still wonder-if Johnson thinks it a blunder-to leave the high flying suns for a team going under? But not as under as the team that now goes by the thunder. Cuz, he’s an All-Star.

Paul Pierce- The Lakers called him a faker, just like Ferris Bueller and Paul Pierce grows facial hair like a middle schooler. Shaq dubbed him the truth, Sloth likes Baby Ruth, the 2008 finals has all of the proof. Cuz he’s an All-Star.

Rasheed Wallace- He’s a threat from inside and out on the three, but don’t get him upset or, “$#*% and you better not $%^# like !@#$ and don’t forget that I $%*#$&. Cause he’s an all-star.

All comments are the opinion of the commenter and not necessarily that of SLC Dunk or SB Nation.

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Comments

Don’t knock “He Got Game.” That’s a fine film. I hope that was just needing to rhyme, and not just bad taste in movies.

"Liberal is to the media what the 2008 San Francisco Giants are to good baseball."
-My Father.

by thecrippesking on Sep 14, 2008 9:41 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs

brilliant

I love you for this, Clark. Even if you are going to beat me in our fantasy league this week.

I'll make it.

by Shums on Sep 14, 2008 10:02 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs

Slow clap...

Excellent.

SLCDunk.com, The Utah Jazz on SBNation

by Basketball John on Sep 14, 2008 10:27 PM MDT reply actions 0 recs

Pierce

Your Paul Pierce rap is my favorite because it makes me think you and I are roughly the same age – Bueller and Sloth…that’s good stuff – and I get it. I really like reading Chuck Klosterman’s stuff for the same reason – he’s about 35 and I get all of his subtle, obscure cultural references and it cracks me up.

Is Basketball John ever going to buy a fist-full of tickets and have us all take in a game together? I was in the ESA for the Dew Tour yesterday. I’m pumped for 08-09.

D-Will is the Shiz, if you know what I mean,
He’s a crossover killer on a championship team.
A gold medal hangs down across his chest,
Chris Paul and J-Kidd know he’s the best.
Droppin’ 3’s, droppin’ dimes, and dunks in the lane
Try and D-up on D-will and you’ll be reading his last name…
WHY? Cause he’s…well, next year he’ll be an all-star.

Cletus must have owed you somethin; fierce.

by MTN on Sep 15, 2008 1:04 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs