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Who is up for some more All-Star rapping?

A couple of weeks ago moni posted a great youtube shot of the 1989 all star game intros that is worth checking out if you haven't yet.  I just thought that a rap had to be written about the current all stars from last year's game, so I got out the old pen and paper and came up with some rhymes of my own.  Drop the appropriate beat while reading and hopefully enjoy.  Here are the East All-Stars, with the West All-Stars soon to come.

Jason Kidd- If you stare at a computer, you might get eye strain.  Quiet on the set, Kidd’s got a fake migraine.  He soured New Jersey, but that was just the first town.  Dallas bet the farm, so they could lose in the first round.  Cause he’s an all-star.

Dwyane Wade- D-Wade is no joke just like anorexia.  Whoever came up with his name has dyslexia.  He slices and dices like a gourmet chef.  He’s an NBA champ, he got some help from the refs.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

Kevin Garnett-  Sam Cassell looks like ET, that’s not all I’m sayin’, cuz Kevin Garnett looks like the bad guys from Alien.  Tom Brady likes the football; it’s much more tossable.  But KG got his ring, because ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!  And he’s an All-Star.

Lebron James-  Lebron James, full of fortune and fame, is he really a king, or just a royal pain?  Let the bidding begin, may the best team win.  Come 2010, he’s gonna leave Cleveland.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

Dwight Howard- Dwight Howard.  Big power.  He’s bigger than a tower.  I would call him a sissy, but I’m a really big coward.  It’s a bird.  It’s a plane. It’s D-Howard down the lane.  And then he dunks it.  Hard.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

Ray Allen- Sweet stroking the three, the purest shot in the league.  He looks a lot like Mos Def, but that might just be me.  He’s got game.  That movie’s lame.  But he’s an All-Star.

Chauncey Billups- Sure he’s got buck teeth, but he’s Mr. Big Shot.  He can drive to the hole.  Lindsay Lohan is hot.  Well, at least before pot.  And she’s seems like a snot.  I forgot about Chauncey, but the NBA did not.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

Chris Bosh-My favorite spice girl is Posh, my favorite Raptor is Bosh, I’m not much into cuss words, my favorite swear word is Gosh.  Cause Bosh is an All-Star.

Caron Butler- With a name like “tough juice”, he’s the toughest kid around.  Remember when the lakers traded Butler for a dud named Kwame Brown?  And Brown just rode the bench, but the irony- is that the Lakers are looking for toughness from their 3.  And Kwame’s not an All-Star.

Richard Hamilton- You don’t need to ask, he doesn’t really need the mask.  But it’s become a part of him, he’ll prob’ly wear it in his cask.  Motown is still groovin’ cuz the guy won’t stop movin’, when you get an ouchy, Rip’s got a shot that’s soothin’.  And he’s an All-Star, baby.

Antawn Jamison-If you want to upset him, you can call him an elf then.  Antawn was an All-Star because each team needs a 12th man.  The East was the Least.  Bread rises with yeast and the next best player was as good as Adam Keefe.  So Jamison’s an All-Star.

Joe Johnson-  Playing as an All-Star must have felt like a dream, cuz Johnson might not even be the best player on his team.  But some days I still wonder-if Johnson thinks it a blunder-to leave the high flying suns for a team going under?  But not as under as the team that now goes by the thunder.  Cuz, he’s an All-Star.

Paul Pierce- The Lakers called him a faker, just like Ferris Bueller and Paul Pierce grows facial hair like a middle schooler.  Shaq dubbed him the truth, Sloth likes Baby Ruth, the 2008 finals has all of the proof.  Cuz he’s an All-Star.

Rasheed Wallace- He’s a threat from inside and out on the three, but don’t get him upset or, “$#*% and you better not $%^#    like    !@#$  and don’t forget that I   $%*#$&.  Cause he’s an all-star.

 

All comments are the opinion of the commenter and not necessarily that of SLC Dunk or SB Nation.

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Don’t knock “He Got Game.” That’s a fine film. I hope that was just needing to rhyme, and not just bad taste in movies.

"Liberal is to the media what the 2008 San Francisco Giants are to good baseball."
-My Father.

by thecrippesking on Sep 14, 2008 9:41 PM MDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

brilliant

I love you for this, Clark. Even if you are going to beat me in our fantasy league this week.

I'll make it.

by Shums on Sep 14, 2008 10:02 PM MDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Pierce

Your Paul Pierce rap is my favorite because it makes me think you and I are roughly the same age – Bueller and Sloth…that’s good stuff – and I get it. I really like reading Chuck Klosterman’s stuff for the same reason – he’s about 35 and I get all of his subtle, obscure cultural references and it cracks me up.

Is Basketball John ever going to buy a fist-full of tickets and have us all take in a game together? I was in the ESA for the Dew Tour yesterday. I’m pumped for 08-09.

D-Will is the Shiz, if you know what I mean,
He’s a crossover killer on a championship team.
A gold medal hangs down across his chest,
Chris Paul and J-Kidd know he’s the best.
Droppin’ 3’s, droppin’ dimes, and dunks in the lane
Try and D-up on D-will and you’ll be reading his last name…
WHY? Cause he’s…well, next year he’ll be an all-star.

Cletus must have owed you somethin; fierce.

by MTN on Sep 15, 2008 1:04 AM MDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I've been thinking about this.
Is Basketball John ever going to buy a fist-full of tickets and have us all take in a game together?

I just didn’t figure we’d have too many people. I guess that’s not an excuse though. I’ll get a poll up and we’ll see what we can get together.

by Basketball John on Sep 15, 2008 9:25 AM MDT to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

...applause...

i’m with shums—i love you, clark.

wallace’s and the dyslexia line were excellent.

and MTN, loved yours too. made me laugh AND pumped me up…end of october still seems soooo far away though.

by moni on Sep 15, 2008 2:19 AM MDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Absolutely Fabulous

Can’t wait for the West raps, so don’t make me wait too long.

by pmannion on Sep 15, 2008 11:49 AM MDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Great stuff...

Loved the Chauncey Billups stuff…

Cuba Si! Yanqi No!

by Patrick517 on Sep 15, 2008 5:10 PM MDT reply reply actions actions   0 recs

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