West All-Stars Rap

[Note by basketballjohn, 09/16/08 7:08 AM MDT ]: Check here for the Eastern version


Kobe Bryant- Like him or not the guy can flat out ball.  But that doesn’t mean you have to respect him at all.  Kobe gets the calls; he got one while in Denver.  Still Laker fans think he’s the best one ever.  But that thing called karma, it makes it aight, Kobe dropped 81, and then got dropped by Sprite.   Cause he’s an All-Star.

Allen Iverson- Me, me, me everyone stop for me, there’s no I in team, but there’s a capital ME.  Cuz we all know the fact is, me don’t need any practice and if you mention shot selection, let me show you what whacked is.  Cause me’s an All-Star.

Carmelo Anthony -Hello, Fellow? His name is Carmelo. He’s eating you up like fresh snow, unless it’s yellow. His b-slaps are sissy, his punch feels like a pillow.  His defense is as tough as a product made by Jello….cause he’s an All- Star.

Tim Duncan- Timmy D is a rock, always there like fine dining.  He doesn’t say a word, unless he feels like whining.  He’s an MVP, chucking up lucky threes.  Shuts down teams like public health shuts down restaurants with fleas.  Cause he’s an all-star.

Yao Ming- He’s as tall as 3 midgets, he’s as Chinese as Chinatown.  The hopes of titles in Houston explode if he goes down.  But the awesomest feat? His wife’s like 7 feet.  In 20 years his ten foot kids will dominate the league.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

Carlos Boozer- Carlos Boozer: a good chooser. If you’re from Cleveland, he’s a loser.  Turned his back on the franchise, cause his face is a twozer.  Twozer’s not a word, which makes my raps way absurd, but if you listen to Jay-Z his words are even absurder.  Cause Boozer’s an All-Star.

Steve Nash – The guy’s a wily magician, he sees every passing lane.  Cuts his hair real short, looks like GI Jane.  Except not hot like Demi, when he’s hot shoots the three.  If he misses this free throw, this round of drinks is on me.  That’s a bet you can take to the bank.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

Dirk Nowitzki- The great white hype.  The German machine.  He’s got some touch down low and shoots the "j" off a screen.  He lobbied for J-Kidd, but they didn’t really need him.  Just like Hasselhoff, he is looking for freedom.  But it can’t be bought, not even with Cuban’s money.  They should’ve paid Stevie Nash, now they look like dummies.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

Chris Paul- The kid plays really big.  He’s got some guts, but don’t ever knock him down or he’ll kick you in the nuts.  He makes some cuts. He’s looking for the steal.  The best point guard in the game, unless he’s playing D-Will.  Then he just looks ill.  He looks like cousin Carlton, Robert Horry looks like Will. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Brandon Roy- The future of the Blazers along with old man time.  The kid can play like a vet, he’s the golden child.  His game is really in control, steady like a tripod. He bought his vote as an All-Star with a bunch of i-pods.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

Amare Stoudemire- Amare Stoudemire: what can you say?  One of the best young players in the NBA.  He’s a scoring machine.  Biggest nose in the league.  If he learns to play defense, he might be the MVP.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

David West- David West’s a power forward, but he’s more small and quick.  He’s a fine fine player, but he was a homer pick.  But the guy can ball- and when you’ve got Chris Paul, you just find the open looks and he’ll answer the call.  He might not be a savior, but he’s done himself a favor.  He’s made a name for himself, coming out of Xavier.  Cause he’s an All-Star.

All comments are the opinion of the commenter and not necessarily that of SLC Dunk or SB Nation.

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