West All-Stars Rap

by clarkpojo on Sep 15, 2008 10:47 PM MDT Comment 10 comments

[Note by basketballjohn, 09/16/08 7:08 AM MDT ]: Check here for the Eastern version

WEST ALL STARS

Kobe Bryant- Like him or not the guy can flat out ball. But that doesn’t mean you have to respect him at all. Kobe gets the calls; he got one while in Denver. Still Laker fans think he’s the best one ever. But that thing called karma, it makes it aight, Kobe dropped 81, and then got dropped by Sprite. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Allen Iverson- Me, me, me everyone stop for me, there’s no I in team, but there’s a capital ME. Cuz we all know the fact is, me don’t need any practice and if you mention shot selection, let me show you what whacked is. Cause me’s an All-Star.

Carmelo Anthony -Hello, Fellow? His name is Carmelo. He’s eating you up like fresh snow, unless it’s yellow. His b-slaps are sissy, his punch feels like a pillow. His defense is as tough as a product made by Jello….cause he’s an All- Star.

Tim Duncan- Timmy D is a rock, always there like fine dining. He doesn’t say a word, unless he feels like whining. He’s an MVP, chucking up lucky threes. Shuts down teams like public health shuts down restaurants with fleas. Cause he’s an all-star.

Yao Ming- He’s as tall as 3 midgets, he’s as Chinese as Chinatown. The hopes of titles in Houston explode if he goes down. But the awesomest feat? His wife’s like 7 feet. In 20 years his ten foot kids will dominate the league. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Carlos Boozer- Carlos Boozer: a good chooser. If you’re from Cleveland, he’s a loser. Turned his back on the franchise, cause his face is a twozer. Twozer’s not a word, which makes my raps way absurd, but if you listen to Jay-Z his words are even absurder. Cause Boozer’s an All-Star.

Steve Nash – The guy’s a wily magician, he sees every passing lane. Cuts his hair real short, looks like GI Jane. Except not hot like Demi, when he’s hot shoots the three. If he misses this free throw, this round of drinks is on me. That’s a bet you can take to the bank. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Dirk Nowitzki- The great white hype. The German machine. He’s got some touch down low and shoots the "j" off a screen. He lobbied for J-Kidd, but they didn’t really need him. Just like Hasselhoff, he is looking for freedom. But it can’t be bought, not even with Cuban’s money. They should’ve paid Stevie Nash, now they look like dummies. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Chris Paul- The kid plays really big. He’s got some guts, but don’t ever knock him down or he’ll kick you in the nuts. He makes some cuts. He’s looking for the steal. The best point guard in the game, unless he’s playing D-Will. Then he just looks ill. He looks like cousin Carlton, Robert Horry looks like Will. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Brandon Roy- The future of the Blazers along with old man time. The kid can play like a vet, he’s the golden child. His game is really in control, steady like a tripod. He bought his vote as an All-Star with a bunch of i-pods. Cause he’s an All-Star.

Amare Stoudemire- Amare Stoudemire: what can you say? One of the best young players in the NBA. He’s a scoring machine. Biggest nose in the league. If he learns to play defense, he might be the MVP. Cause he’s an All-Star.

David West- David West’s a power forward, but he’s more small and quick. He’s a fine fine player, but he was a homer pick. But the guy can ball- and when you’ve got Chris Paul, you just find the open looks and he’ll answer the call. He might not be a savior, but he’s done himself a favor. He’s made a name for himself, coming out of Xavier. Cause he’s an All-Star.

All comments are the opinion of the commenter and not necessarily that of SLC Dunk or SB Nation.

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you’ll have to thank Wyclef for the lessons.

Nice work.

I'll make it.

by Shums on Sep 16, 2008 1:51 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs

Thanks. that's an old reference.

I can’t believe you came back to win. Vengeance is mine.

The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear.

by clarkpojo on Sep 16, 2008 9:44 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs

You should write one for D-Will

just because.

Cuba Si! Yanqi No!

by Patrick517 on Sep 16, 2008 11:57 AM MDT reply actions 0 recs

It is pretty rude to say Roy bought his vote with iPods

For one, you are insulting the integrity of every Western Conference coach (your coach included) and some of the media. Secondly, you are implying that Roy wasn’t good enough to make the team with out those iPods.

Roy is better than every player on the Jazz roster. Then you match up roster spots and coaching and the Blazers dominate the Jazz in every way. Our arena is better than your arena, our city is better, our house pets are better, our owner is better, our GM is better, our fans are better, even the guys who wipe up sweat under the basket are better in Portland than they are in Utah.

The Josh abides.

by tominhawaii on Sep 19, 2008 6:27 PM MDT reply actions 1 recs

Go get 'em Tommy!!

"Besides, AnntheFan will be here any minute to #25 you." T Darkstar

by annthefan on Sep 19, 2008 7:56 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs

Brandon Roy over Deron Williams

Was one of the biggest All-Star snubs of all time. Without the December, Roy doesn’t make the team. And he shouldn’t have made the team after their horrid January.

SLCDunk.com, The Utah Jazz on SBNation

by Basketball John on Sep 19, 2008 8:13 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs

One of the biggest snubs of all time??

That seems to be a reach. If it was such an egregious snub then this article from SI would not only have named Deron the biggest snub and not Boom Dizzle. Instead Deron didn’t even make his lists of snubs.

by tingeyga on Sep 19, 2008 11:32 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'm voting for Jose Calderon as the biggest snub of last year. Maybe followed by Davis.

Is Williams a shooting guard? The last time I checked he could play one, but didn’t most of the time unlike Roy. Was Williams better than Paul last year? Highly doubtful. Nash? Maybe, but not that it would have been a snub to select Nash over him. Now if next year D-Will lights up the West and instead the voters select Kidd again just because they are used to it, we can call it a snub and you can start to complain.

Brandon Roy and Deron Williams for All-Stars 2009. Maybe Greg can pay a visit after winning the Rookie game for the first time in ages. I’m already excited for the new RoyPhone.

St. Bayno's 120 Haiku Prospects: Nicolas Batum in the paint—prairie grass, blown by wind.

by Norsktroll on Sep 20, 2008 2:50 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs

Comedy gold!

Brandon Roy over Deron Williams
Was one of the biggest All-Star snubs of all time.

I think I’ve figured out one thing in which SLC > PDX ……………………………….. homerism!

"It's not a joke -- it's not a game." — B-Rex

by timbo on Oct 19, 2008 1:47 PM MDT up reply actions 0 recs

LOL

You forgot a few.

Our blog is better.

Our future ruler of the world is better.

Our guy who pretends he’s in Hawaii is better.

Our head-to-head record last year is better. (Oh, got ‘em there, I’m so good at this stuff, and I know it, too.)

Well, that was fun. Reality now. Deron Williams will likely be in the All-Star team this year, and deserve it. So will Roy. Utah will win the NW division this year, and deserve it. For one more year. Then, no matter how good you guys are, I’m afraid it will come second best.

You guys need some help to liven up this place, you hardly have any fan posts on the side bar. Shall we visit from time to time?

The most amazing thing about my amazing ego is I have amazingly little about which to be egotistical.
The pick and roll this year will emphasize "roll" followed by "dunk", followed by the wailings and lamentations of your women.

by jscot on Sep 20, 2008 4:34 AM MDT up reply actions 0 recs