FanPost

Top 8 jobs for Flop Collins next year

8.  Secretary of the Treasury - since the economy is tanking worse than the Cavs before the Lebron draft, Barack could use one of those "savvy vets" whose presence is good for the younger guys, but isn't going to make a difference in the W-L column.

7.  Ice Cream Man - he does not look like a pedophile, so I would allow my children to approach his ice cream truck.  At 7', he can reach back into the back of the truck for orange push-up pops and then hand them down to the children without ever leaving the driver's seat.  He'd be the MVP of Ice Cream Men.

6.  Assistant Coach in Orlando - if D-Ho (worst nickname ever) practiced against Flop every day, he would learn how to sense the flop, how to avoid it, and thereby become the most dominant post player of all time.  Imagine Shaq with a hook and no offensive fouls...

5.  Farmhand at Sloan's place in MacLeansboro - for reasons I still don't understand, Sloan really likes Collins' work.  I'm sure there are lots of chores he could do around the farm, and presumably Sloan would be there too...all year...

4.  Replace Boler - again, like #8, this is in the "couldn't be any worse" category.

3. Stanford recruiter   changed my mind since none of those students know who he is.

2. Consultant to NBA Referee Operations Department - he could just sit in a video room with officials-in-training all day watching clips and saying, "foul... foul... flop... flop... flop.... foul...."  I think the league needs him.

1. Replace Jesus - now, what I mean here is not the actual Jesus, but the term "Jesus."  For example, if I hit my thumb with a hammer, I might exclaim, "Jerron H. Collins!"   It's rather satisfying and there's no risk of blasphemy.  Much like the other JC, flop has always practiced a "turn-the-other-cheek/non-violence" approach to defense....

All comments are the opinion of the commenter and not necessarily that of SLC Dunk or SB Nation.