What Boozer SHOULD HAVE said

We've all complained about the stupid things Boozer has said on the radio (and stupid is the best descriptor here), and it is easy to complain because we've all soured on him.  Here's the interview I think he should have given.  Feel free to add lines you'd like to have heard in comments.

SLCDunk:  Tell us why you opted in.

Boozer: I spent so much time on the sidelines this year that I had to be honest with myself about my value in the trade market.  Unfortunately, I'm not as attractive to teams right now as I was a year ago, so I'm going to have to go out and prove my true abilities this year and earn that next contract.

SLCDunk: But doesn't opting in cripple the Jazz in a way?  How can they sign Millsap now?

Boozer: Well, I hope the Miller family will decide to sign Millsap even if we have to pay the luxury tax.  They have been very generous with me, and Millsap is my teammate and friend, and for his sake I hope he can get a good contract.  It's not really my place to tell the Millers what to do with their money, but I will say this, success in this league is expensive, and I really believe that we have all the pieces here to be a strong team as long as we can all stay healthy.  Unfortunately, that didn't happen this year, but it could happen next year.  Would you want to play against a team that starts Boozer and then rests him with Millsap?  I think we both need to be on this team.  Millsap is growing into an elite player.  He's really pushing me right now, and that's good for our team.

SLCDunk:  Rumors would have you playing in Chicago or Miami.  If you were traded, where would you rather go?

Boozer:  Well, everyone knows I own a house in Miami, and I'm friends with D-Wade.  Derrick Rose is a great player, and Chicago is rising.  But I'd be a fool to want a trade.  I'm playing with the best point guard in the world, and he takes care of me.  Deron and I are close, and we have great chemistry on the court.  You could see that when we went to the Western Conference Finals a couple years ago.  When I roll, he puts the ball in my hands in a spot to score.  I'd be an ass if I wanted to be anywhere else.

SLCDunk: You've been widely criticized for your defense.  Why are you so explosive on offense and so complacent on defense? (As long as I'm imagining this interview, I like to imagine questions that a) don't suck up, and b) don't have obvious answers.)

Boozer: Honestly, I've been asking myself the same question.  I really don't have a good reason or excuse.  Coach Sloan has talked with me and tried to teach me more about it.  Really, it all boils down to commitment and I think I'm there now.  Our whole team is getting committed to defense from Deron down to Jarron all of us want to be the toughest defensive team.  When I first got here, Sloan stressed physicality and so I just fouled a lot, but I'm realizing now that it's more than just hard fouls...it's about moving your feet and talking...we're working on all that, and I am committed to that.

SLCDunk: What are your expectations for this year?

Boozer: I want to win a championship.  That would sound absurd if the rumors about wanting to go to Chicago or Miami were true.  We've got all the pieces here: Deron, Coach, Memo... Brewer is really getting tough on both ends of the floor...I think Fes and Koof are going to make us proud this year.  I think we're a stronger team than we were two years ago.  If we can stay healthy, we'll be one of the top two teams in the West.  If we can get into the WCF, I'll make sure we come out of it with at least four more games to play.  I'm committed to that.  I've worked hard to get my body healthy and ready.  A lot of people have talked about maybe Paul being the starter next year.  I love Paul, and he deserves it, but I'm working hard to make sure Coach wants me on the floor.  I know Paul is working hard too.  Kyle's working hard.  Memo and AK are working hard.  We're going to be the toughest team in the league next year, I know that for sure.

SLCDunk:  Do you think the Millers will pay the luxury tax?

Boozer: You get what you pay for, right?

SLCDunk:  Is there anything else you'd like to say to the public?

Boozer: go Saints!  Drew Brees is the greatest thing since  overtime!  Who DAT!