I've noticed some trends this season. Looked at individually, it may mean nothing. But put it all together, and it seems something cosmic is going on:
- Jazz sign Watson and Elson. Jazzfandom as a whole yawns. After the first couple games, both are written off as terrible. After 3 months, we now thank Zeus for these two guys and consider them the most dependable guys on the entire team.
- Guys like me go crazy about the AK-Diaw trade rumor. The I <3 AK sentiment goes out of control. And AK immediately plays okay, but not as great as last year.
- After the preseason we all feel pretty confident in the team as the season starts. At the very least, we are pretty certain we won't have to worry about slow starts: not with that awesome Deron-Raja-AK-Sap-Al starting lineup. Two awful losses, and three solid months of obscenely horrible starts ensue.
- Deron leads the team to a crazy record in November (the toughest month on the schedule), gets Player of the Month, is in the top-5 of all early MVP discussions. Deron and the team immediately start playing much more poorly.
- Clark writes that the key to getting better starts is to give Millsap more shots, particularly in the 1st quarter. A bunch of us go crazy, throwing out every stat available to prove how much better and more dependable Sap is in the post. Millsap immediately goes into an awful 6-game slump that coincides with the team's first 6-game losing streak in years.
- BobbyD321 writes for us to all back off Al, giving us stats to show he's one of the top-10 centers in the league and helps the team a lot more than he hurts. The next day Al has one of his worst games of the year, matched up against the incomparable Darko no less, while post play by AK and Millsap save the team's butt.
SLC Dunkers, understand and beware: The Jinx effect is in full force this year. It's cosmic tentacles are seeping into every aspect of our beloved Jazz. It is time, now, to take action:
He's moody, sullen, and going to be gone in a year and a half anyway. Probably not even a top-10 PG anymore, so who gives a crap anyway.
He's undersized, always in foul trouble, and can't compete against a single PF in the league. The Jazz ought to make him their 8th scoring option.
He'll never be a decent center. Ever. He can't box out worth crap, he regularly uses his footwork to go from a 4-foot floater to a turn-around 12-foot Weezy. The epitome if inefficiency and ineffectiveness. He'll never have anything better than a 3-17 shooting game again.
He's older, slower, and his back will explode within the next 30 minutes. All he wants to do is watch his ugly 26-foot rainbows clank of the backboard (if he's lucky enough to hit the backboard). Will never dunk again, and he'll break down into an emo tional sobbing fit tomorrow.
Send him to the glue factory. His defense resembles that of a piece of carpet. His jumper's almost as awesome as AK's. He'll never go in for a layup again in his life. Maybe as good as a D-leaguer right now. Probably not even that good in a month.
Streaky and undependable. Jacks up shots to no end. We all need to stop talking about Smart vs. Dumb CJ, because Dumb CJ is here to stay. Forever.
All energy, no talent. He'll play for 5 minutes a game, leading the team in nothing except 1-on-5 fast breaks.
I'm better than Ronnie. He can jump and have an awesome military-style mohawk. That's it.
Biggest bust in the history of #9 picks.
He's going to break in half. Can't do anything but dunk. More like a circus freak than a basketball player.
There's a reason the Jazz had to scrape him off the FA dung heap to fill out their 13-man roster. He's going to get steadily worse from here on out until he resembles the slime at the bottom of a refrigerator.
Hopeless and worthless. A 7-foot clown.
Will never recover, will never be able run faster than 3-feet per minute, will never hit another big 3-pointer ever
Will never call a good timeout, will never make a good substitution, will never make an effective in-game adjustment from now until the end of time itself (when he will still be coaching the Jazz)
Will never make another trade, will never make a good 1st round draft pick, will never make a decent roster move again ever
Will demand salary dumps until the payroll can get down to $12 million per year, and then he'll sell the team to investors in Peoria.
Will muddle around the rest of the year, make an 7 or 8 seed to give them the opportunity to be swept by a total of 150 points to the Spurs or Lakers. They'll be the worst rebounding, worst defensive, most mediocre offensive team in the league.
If there's anything important I didn't cover in my reverse-jinxing rant, please add them below. The Year of the Jinx is happening, and we need to respond accordingly.