I was really bored last week. It was halfway through Spring Break, it was the middle of the day, no one else was home, and I was already sick of catching up on my reading. What do I typically do when I'm bored? Spend excessive amounts of time on the internet. But Youtube and Facebook weren't doing it for me, so I turned to SLC Dunk. I started reading posts from earlier in the week until I came across the previous week's Fesenko Friday. And there really is no better cure for boredom than going back through all the past Fesenko Fridays to see some of the best humor this blog has to offer (apart from Game Thread humor, which is in a class of its own).
Halfway through the Fesenko Fridays, I figured I would perform a public service for the other readers of this blog and collect the pictures and best captions (dating back to September of last year) and put them in one giant FanPost for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.
(Note: for each picture, I have cut-and-pasted the caption that got the most Recs from readers. However, sometimes there were ties in the number of recs, or instead of rec-ing a comment, someone put a "+1" beneath it. Thus, more than one "winning" caption may appear beneath each picture. I may also occasionally cut-and-paste a caption that I just really liked or that received at least 1 rec. So without further ado...)
September 3, 2010
Most recommended caption:
"Making your eye learn the reading is very important, only someones with very nice lucks can play the basketball when they are grown."
by Cody Summerhays on Sep 3, 2010 12:13 PM PDT actions 1 recs
Also receiving a "+1":
"In America, you read book up. In my country, you read book sideways. In Russia, book read you."
September 10, 2010
Most recommended caption:
Caption on unseen sign to Fes' right: (Translated by Google Translator) "THE PERSON WHO MORE THAN 2 METERS CANNOT RIDING THE RIDES"At an early age, young Fesenko lamented his height.
But then he discovered the basketball …by Juan B on Sep 10, 2010 1:59 PM PDT actions 1 recs
September 17, 2010
Most recommended captions:
Coach: "That girl you keep gawking at is my granddaughter, and I said NO, Dammit!"
Fes: "What’s a dammit?"
I got the crap beat out of me in Provo one time
by Yucca Man on Sep 17, 2010 1:17 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
Coach: "Okay, you see what the other guys on the court are doing . . . "
Fes: "Yes?"
C: "bounding the big rubber orange and trying to get it in the hoop?"
F: "Fesenko make dunkshot!"
C: "yes, yes. Fesenko make dunkshot. We know. But I need you to focus here,"
F: [focuses on finger of coach]
C: "No, not on my finger!"
Follow me on Twitter: AllThatAmar
Check out: slcdunk.com
E-Mail me at: allthatjazzbasketball@hotmail.com
Really, I'm totally not lonely or anything . . .by AllThatJazzBasketball on Sep 17, 2010 3:07 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
September 24, 2010
Most recommended caption:
Hey, Coach, I find little girl. Can I keep?by prodigal punk on Sep 24, 2010 11:10 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Two more I liked:
You like Russian doll? I have better. Ukraine doll almost like real person.
Meet new girlfriend. She say she 21. I think she is midget girl.Now tell camera what number Fes is.
The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear.
October 1, 2010
Lots of good ones for this one.
Most recommended captions:
There is no basketball!Sloan: Do not try to play the basketball. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
Fez: What truth?
Sloan: There is no basketball.
Fez: There is no basketball?
Sloan: Then you’ll see, that it is not the basketball that plays, it is only yourself.
by Negative on Oct 1, 2010 1:28 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
I have lost the weight, yes?Can now be wearing of the bodysuit, yes?
Possibly the southernmost Jazz fan in the world!
Twitter: @Texasby TazzJazzFan on Oct 1, 2010 7:51 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
Also receiving votes:
In Ukraine Matrix you don’t dodge the bullets. Coach Sloan takes you out of game and back into spacesheep.
Follow me on Twitter: AllThatAmar
Check out: slcdunk.com
E-Mail me at: allthatjazzbasketball@hotmail.com
Really, I'm totally not lonely or anything . . .by AllThatJazzBasketball on Oct 1, 2010 12:06 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Michael Phelps? Yes, is me.
by El Aguacil on Oct 1, 2010 2:17 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
Overlooked (perhaps because it was late in the game) but still deserving of recognition because it was good teamwork:
Piggybacking off BBJ's twitter joke:When Hayward and Hornacek do shooting together, it make perfect time for tanning for Fes. Without the harmful ulter violet chemicals.
The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear.
October 8, 2010
Most recommended caption:
"Fes no lose in stare contest"by ut2006 on Oct 8, 2010 11:59 AM PDT reply actions 6 recs
Also receiving votes:
“Fes begin to think this fan not real person.”
by El Aguacil on Oct 8, 2010 12:24 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
So here is one: If Coach do not like the around jackpotting, what if he wins slots in Vegas? Can buy many tractors, Coach!
I know, it is tease-brainer.
Uh, do you think you could draw me like a ninja?
SLCDunk.com: Bringing you ninjas, The KOOFs and anti-jinxes since 2008.
New to the Dunk? Read the Manifesto.by Shums on Oct 8, 2010 11:46 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
October 15, 2010
Most recommended captions:
The Ukrainian remake of 2001 was a little low budgetFollow me on Twitter: @AllThatAmar ... Check out: SLCDUNK.com ... E-Mail me at: allthatjazzbasketball@hotmail.com
Really, I'm totally not lonely or anything . . .
by AllThatJazzBasketball on Oct 15, 2010 10:44 AM PDT reply actions 2 recs
so one moment I'm dancing and the next...i can't remember a thing.by go4jazz on Oct 15, 2010 12:14 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
Fes no need filter Fes promise to think before he talks.by dianaallen on Oct 15, 2010 12:59 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
Also receiving votes:
Floating!“Coath! Coath! Feth weally like tha gath! Feth ith floathing!”
by Negative on Oct 15, 2010 11:48 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
"Is this forever?"a la “David after Dentist”
by El Aguacil on Oct 15, 2010 4:38 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
October 22, 2010
Most recommended captions:
(Not really a caption, but funny anyway)
after getting flagged as "inappropriate"For my innoccuous comment about the Dread Pirate Roberts being “mostly dead,” I’ll pass on commenting on shirtless young Fes.
by Juan B on Oct 22, 2010 1:30 PM PDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
AK said there would be wild pigs!!!by moni on Oct 22, 2010 5:14 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
October 29, 2010
Most recommended captions:
Fesenkojuice, Fesenkojuice, Fesenkojuice!
“Iiiiiiiit is the showtime!”by Negative on Oct 29, 2010 1:57 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
I come to steal you American girls. I dress like this and these silly Americans think I so funny. You come with me tonight.
by P_Dizzle on Oct 29, 2010 3:06 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
November 5, 2010
Lots of good captions for this one.
Most recommended caption:
“What are you Al?”
“I’m a Jazz musician”
“Oh. I’m a scary dead guy.”
“I know, Fes”
The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear.
by clarkpojo on Nov 5, 2010 11:49 AM PDT reply actions 6 recs
Also receiving votes:
This season I no longer play like zombie, but I still like to dress like one!
by Fesenko for President on Nov 5, 2010 1:04 PM PDT reply actions 3 recs
Al, why you not wear costume?
by Negative on Nov 5, 2010 11:36 AM PDT reply actions 2 recs
Al you think you cool now.. just wait this is what you look like after 3 years of Coach Sloanby dianaallen on Nov 5, 2010 12:35 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
So you say Fes drink this and gassy distress go away?
by sincityjazz on Nov 5, 2010 2:03 PM PDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
November 12, 2010
Most recommended comment:
Sloan: Good hustle out there, Fes.
Fes: Please Coach, no butt pat.
Sloan: Why not?
Fes: My butt already sore, Coach.
Sloan: Well, keep playing this way and you won’t have to sit down for so long.
Fes: That not why butt is sore, Coach.
Sloan: slowly withdraws handUh, do you think you could draw me like a ninja?
SLCDunk.com: Bringing you ninjas, The KOOFs and anti-jinxes since 2008.
New to the Dunk? Read the Manifesto.by Shums on Nov 12, 2010 11:43 AM PST reply actions 4 recs
Also receiving votes:
Fesenko: “I . . . I . . . I just got dunked on by D. Wade.”
Sloan: “It’s okay big fella, I’m just proud you’ve been watching those Ostertag films we keep sending you.”
Fesenko: " -— "
Sloan: “Now hustle up and finish your chores before we board the plane for Orlando.”
Follow me on Twitter: @AllThatAmar ... Check out: SLCDUNK.com ... E-Mail me at: allthatjazzbasketball@hotmail.com
Really, I'm totally not lonely or anything . . .
by AllThatJazzBasketball on Nov 12, 2010 11:08 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Johnson: Give him some encouragement Jerry.
Jerry: Good Job Fesenko, I’m glad you’ve matured enough to know your limits.
Fes: Does this mean I’ve earned enough respect to get more playing time?
Jerry: Hell No.
Follow me on twitter @JD23UT
by JD23UT on Nov 12, 2010 11:25 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
November 19, 2010
Most recommended captions:
Fes: Ohhh, Look at that female do the make outs with that guy!!!
Andrei: That’s my wife…
Follow me on twitter @JD23UT
by JD23UT on Nov 19, 2010 1:28 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Fes: Can I sit by you, Andrei?
AK: Sure.
Fes: Can I caress your arm, just of the for picture?
AK: Um …
Fes: Can I …
AK: No.I got the crap beat out of me in Provo one time
by Yucca Man on Nov 19, 2010 1:43 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
AK: Melissa Majchrzak is going to take our picture, just look normal.
Fes: “Normal” Normal, or “Fesenko” Normal?
AK: scratch that, just look cool.
Fes: (internal thought process: Andrei think Fes is cool.) [Fes can’t hide childlike grin]
MM: [Snaps picture]
AK: This is the last time I help you hide your chocolate milk in a dark cup on the bench during a game.
Follow me on Twitter: @AllThatAmar ... Check out: SLCDUNK.com ... E-Mail me at: allthatjazzbasketball@hotmail.com
Really, I'm totally not lonely or anything . . .
by AllThatJazzBasketball on Nov 19, 2010 2:23 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
November 26, 2010
Turkey hangover. No Fesenko Friday. But we all rejoice anyway, because we beat both the Hornets and Lakers that weekend! (Remember those good ol' days? Sigh. Oops, sorry, this is supposed to be an uplifting post. My bad. To make up for it, here is a highlight from that weekend.)
December 3, 2010
Most recommended caption:
“I sign for free dollars, photos gonna cost ya big! Boom Bitche$”
"He is STUPID but he knows that he is STUPID and that almost makes him smart."
by LoWBlok on Dec 3, 2010 4:16 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
December 10, 2010
Most recommended caption:
Just seconds before the picture is taken:Fes: “You know, being a child actor in these creepy movies is just stepping stone before I begin my real career.”
Director: “And what career might that be.”
Fes: “Starting at Center in the NBA Playoffs.”
Entire crew laughs hysterically.
Follow me on twitter @JD23UT
by JD23UT on Dec 10, 2010 12:05 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
BBJ's was also good:
"No more cookies and milk before bedtime for me; these dreams are too creepy."
Fess, "You aren't kidding."
December 17, 2010
Most recommended captions:
In the Ukraine, Christmas falls on the same day as the highly regarded National Garbage Day, thus Santa Clause is often depicted taking out the trash. The Fes displays his love of this dual holiday by showing his rare Trash Santa doll. Happy Fesstivus all.
by jbuxxy on Dec 17, 2010 11:10 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
(Not really a caption, but still a very good comment)
I want to see a picture of Fes' parents . . . all of these cute adorable picks are funny, but I think his family life must have been awesomeFollow me on Twitter: @AllThatAmar ... Check out: SLCDUNK.com ... E-Mail me at: allthatjazzbasketball@hotmail.com
Really, I'm totally not lonely or anything . . .
by AllThatJazzBasketball on Dec 17, 2010 11:26 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
December 24, 2010
No captions this week. Happy Festivus! But do not despair. In lieu of captions, we bring you the Airing of Grievances:
Grievances:Sloan- Play Hayward!!!!!!!! That is all. Also, I hope you Coach another 20 years. Seriously.
D-Will- Stop whining to the refs. We know you’re getting fouled but stop looking at them all the time and just play ball!
Al- Please make that Wheezy start dropping more. I love that shot but the near misses are killin me.
Bell- I’m just calling you out.
CJ- Consistancy!
Fes- Tell more jokes!
For the Love of the Game
Stockton to Malone- The perfect combination!!
"I think he just said, 'Oh my Gosh,' or whatever they say in Provo."- ESPN talking about QB. Max Hall after BYU defeated third ranked Oklahoma (2009).
MonSTARZ forever!
Fesget twitter
by Evans Almighty on Dec 24, 2010 5:19 PM PST up reply actions
What Fes wants for Christmas/Fesstivus“You know what I want for Christmas? I want at least one person … I want at least one of my teammates to send me a ‘Happy Birthday, Fes’ text. Nobody never ever even send me a text.” (desnews)
December 31, 2010
Most recommended caption:
Fes: “I tell you not to eat hot dog so fast, Kevin. Lucky for you Fes knows Heimlich. I am like Ukrainian Doogie Howser.”
Uh, do you think you could draw me like a ninja?
SLCDunk.com: Bringing you ninjas, The KOOFs and anti-jinxes since 2008.
New to the Dunk? Read the Manifesto.by Shums on Dec 31, 2010 11:57 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Also receiving votes:
Fes: “Book says every month check for lumps here. Its for your own good.”
Kevin: “Dammit Fes, girls check their breasts!”
Fes: “Oh. Where do boys check then?”
Kevin:
by sincityjazz on Dec 31, 2010 11:39 AM PST via mobile reply actions 1 recs
Also good:
Fes: "Okay. You right, piggyback go on top not bottom."
Two games in a row, back-to-back, really tire legs, especially for small point guard who run around very much.
by Fesenko for President on Jan 21, 2011 12:03 PM PST reply actions
January 7, 2011
Most recommended captions:
but i like the cookie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RPX-tvMMBE
by gloo2 on Jan 7, 2011 11:28 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
"What you mean 'Bill Cosby want my sweater back'? It my sweater!"by Guybrush on Jan 7, 2011 1:10 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
Also good:
“No more borscht? … but why?”
Uh, do you think you could draw me like a ninja?
SLCDunk.com: Bringing you ninjas, The KOOFs and anti-jinxes since 2008.
New to the Dunk? Read the Manifesto.
January 14, 2011
Most recommended caption (and, in my opinion, the best caption in Fesenko Friday history):
"My way is not very sportsmanlike"by El Aguacil on Jan 14, 2011 12:50 PM PST reply actions 6 recs
Also receiving votes:
Aaaah! Is black guy with white head!by JasonInPG on Jan 14, 2011 12:07 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
January 21, 2011
Most recommended captions:
"Look different from online profile, but Fes not peeky. He hast nice car."Follow me on Twitter: @AllThatAmar ... Check out: SLCDUNK.com ... E-Mail me at: allthatjazzbasketball@hotmail.com
Really, I'm totally not lonely or anything . . .
by AllThatJazzBasketball on Jan 21, 2011 11:13 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
In Ukraine, “byu” means “skinny wiener dog.”
by Fesenko for President on Jan 21, 2011 12:00 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
I find a treshure troll. I only needs 15 more for collection.The more you try to erase me, the more that I appear.
by clarkpojo on Jan 24, 2011 7:28 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
January 28, 2011:
Most recommended caption:
“I triple dog dare you to stick tongue on pole”
by rootsrocka on Jan 28, 2011 11:27 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Also receiving votes (judging by the fact that BBJ's post had 1 rec):
"Hundreds of dead cats you say? That IS weird."
February 4, 2011
via nimg.sulekha.com
Most recommended captions:
"Awww!!! Close contact with a Player of Portland! Fes no want to get Injury bug!"Andrei Kirilenko is Russia's most important export
by ut2006 on Feb 4, 2011 12:14 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
"You no give ball...I take your head!"by hamblindave on Feb 4, 2011 12:33 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
"You smell now? Old Spice really block odor! Fes has the swagger! WOOOO!"Uh, do you think you could draw me like a ninja?
SLCDunk.com: Bringing you ninjas, The KOOFs and anti-jinxes since 2008.
New to the Dunk? Read the Manifesto.by Shums on Feb 4, 2011 12:48 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
In Ukraine...Arm eats you
by Clintonite33 on Feb 4, 2011 5:43 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
February 11, 2011
No recs on any captions for this one. I think we were all just too depressed. But, looking back on it, here were the two I most enjoyed:
Sloan: D*** it Fesenko! If you’re going to stare at the chicks on the big screen during time outs you might as well learn how to do the spanking motion correctly! Less wrist and more elbow!
Fes: I’m sorry coa…
Phil: Jerry, don’t even bother. The times are changing.
For the Love of the Game
Stockton to Malone- The perfect combination!!
"I think he just said, 'Oh my Gosh,' or whatever they say in Provo."- ESPN talking about QB. Max Hall after BYU defeated third ranked Oklahoma (2009).
MonSTARZ forever!
Don’t worry, I’ll give you a job on my farm as an ox.
February 18, 2011
Most recommended caption:
"No, *you* have live animal on head."by El Aguacil on Feb 18, 2011 4:36 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
Also receiving votes:
“Davy Crockett has nothing on Fes. Fes kill many bears when only 2 of years old.”
Uh, do you think you could draw me like a ninja?
SLCDunk.com: Bringing you ninjas, The KOOFs and anti-jinxes since 2008.
New to the Dunk? Read the Manifesto.by Shums on Feb 18, 2011 12:16 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
February 25, 2011
Most recommended captions:
KF : “We play trust game. You falls, I catch”
CA [starting to fall backward] : “Fesenko?? Fesenko!?!?!?”by El Aguacil on Feb 25, 2011 11:25 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
Fess: “I play mind game with you Melo. I control your left hand.”
Anthony: “Ah, come on man. What are you doing? I can’t…. control…. my…. left hand… What have you done?”
by P_Dizzle on Feb 25, 2011 12:02 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
BBJ's also deserves mention:
"You do this? You cause the DWill trade?"
"I would prefer if you removed headband."
March 4, 2011
BBJ was unable to get permission to use the image from Fesenko's reading day, but he provided the link to it.
Most recommended caption:
When I Grow UpIs scary story? Sound scary.
I am in no way affiliated with the blog of the same name.
by JazzHype on Mar 4, 2011 12:16 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
Also receiving votes:
This guy Yankovic have funny nameNeed more simpler name like Fesenko.
I am in no way affiliated with the blog of the same name.
by JazzHype on Mar 4, 2011 12:12 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
March 11, 2011
Most recommended caption:
Big Fes can be rookie again for dance off?I am in no way affiliated with the blog of the same name.
by JazzHype on Mar 11, 2011 12:02 PM PST reply actions 3 recs
Thanks to all of you who provided such brilliant captions. Even the ones that didn't make it onto this list were very entertaining. Just one reason (among many) why this blog is so awesome.
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