SAC @ UTA Game Preview - Twilight Style

Russ Isabella-US PRESSWIRE

You know you love basketball and Twilight. This is the article for you.

Hey Jazz fans,

If any of you are like me and HUGE fans of the twilight movies, or if you are like me and you pretend to be interested in Twilight movies for the sake of being a good husband, or father, or friend, then you know there is a vampire in the movie, Alice, who can sort of see the future. To find out any more about her, you'll just have to read the books or rent the movies. Alice has dropped by, and will do so on occasion, to tell us how the game will go tonight between the Kings and Jazz.

Clark: Alice, what can you see about the game?

Alice: Well, the game is just starting and the Kings have come out to sort of a fast start. They are up 9-7 in the first few minutes. This is looking bad for the Jazz. Wait... It's okay, because the Jazz are starting to pull away in the second quarter. Playing much better.

C: Can you tell us about any specific players?

A: There is a man on the Kings and he always looks sad. He looks like he just ate a lemon, or like he just tried to pay for his meal with a gift card, but the restaurant told him that his gift card expired.

C: That's Demarcus Cousins

A: He was scoring a lot of points. He was shooting a lot to do it, but he has 17 points at the half. But he also just got kicked out for trying to fight with one of the Jazz commentators.

C: Matt Harpring?

A: The one that doesn't look like Buzz Lightyear.

C: Yeah, that's Harpring.

A: Well Cousins was going to his locker room, but then Matt Harpring held up a big head of Cousins and it was crying and Cousins punched Matt Harpring in the face.

C: Oh, is Harpring going to be okay?

A: Oh. Harpring is fine. But Cousins shattered his hand. Harpring was wearing a football helmet when he got hit. Does Demarcus Cousins lack common sense?

C: Yes. What happens in the second half?

A: The Jazz are winning, but they are letting the Kings stick around. Oh! Each team has a vampire and they are guarding each other right now.

C: No. That's just Gordon Hayward and Jimmer Fredette.

A: Oh, okay. Well Hayward just hit two three pointers in a row.

C: That's good. He's been struggling.

A: Well they were on his 6th and 7th attempts. Jimmer? That's a funny name.

C: Yeah, it's a little different.

A: Oh, it's fine. Vampires have weird names. My niece's name is Renesmee because it's a mix of her grandmother's names. So Jimmer must have had two grandmothers named Jim and Summer.

C: Probably.

A: Well Jimmer is getting tons of cheers and applause, but he plays for the Kings. I don't get it.

C: It would make more sense if you read his autobiography.

A: No thanks. Well he has scored some points and he looks really positive, but his teammates are sort of treating him like they are vampires and he is a werewolf.

C: I don't understand that analogy.

A: It would make more sense if you read the books.

C: No thanks.

A: Well the Jazz pulled away. That 55 year old man that plays for the Jazz just shot like 7 shots in a row, but he made 5 of them.

C: That's just Al Jefferson. He's only 28.

A: Right. And I'm only 856 years old.

C: So what's the final score?

A: It's cloudy, but it looks like the Jazz win 108 to 89. Al Jefferson leads the Jazz in scoring and rebounding. Marcus Thornton scores 23 for the Kings. Tyreke Evans leads the Kings with 12 horrible shot attempts.

C: Thanks for the preview, Alice.

A: No problem, Clark. Be sure to go see my movie, Breaking Dawn 2: Werewolves vs Vampires, everybody.

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