FanPost

The Bafflement Report: Writing's on the Wall (and Roof)...in Urine?

There's a part of me that's never sure what is and what isn't appropriate on the Dunk. Can you put urine in a title? I'm not sure. Can one drink his/her own urine to stay hydrated? Fo-sho'.

Anyway, I once compared Tyrone Corbin to Captain Ahab, which I think went over well and I finished writing it with a sense of pride, not hubristic fly-too-close-to-the-sun-Icarus-type shit. Just proud in the way you want your child to be proud of good effort as much as good results.

To make a long (unnecessarily long--damn you, Melville) story short: Corbin is Ahab. He's maniacal and chasing the white whale (playoffs) only to sink The Pequod (Jazz). There was more. But you get the idea. Call me Ishmael.

I'd like to make another analogy...one for the season. And it's inspired by Downbeat #1310: The Selfish Edition--I don't know how to make links to things but you should read it.

All of a sudden, reporters are reporting on their tough questions to Ty and the seemingly giant lack of effort on a nightly basis preformed. Which is eerie, strange, maybe even ominous.

Gordon Monson wrote the following after the Jazz got their asses kicked by the 'Sheed-, Billups-, Hamilton-, Big Ben-, and Prince-less Pistons:

"It's one thing to get beat by the San Antonio Spurs, it's another to get throttled by outfits like the Pistons.

It's happened far too often. And it's beneath the tradition of the Utah Jazz. Isn't it?

Somebody must be held accountable for that.

Ty Corbin must be held accountable for that.

It's a coach's burden, fair or unfair."

If that's not weird to you, it should be.

The media has been more apologetic for Corbin than they should have been and now the word "accountable" comes out of nowhere. Odd. And exciting maybe. If the media, which I think we all can agree isn't as independent as we'd like when it comes to their thoughts and opinions, is calling him out...

If Corbin does get canned (and don't get me wrong, he should be canned), we're all going to feel like the last 82-games has been like throwing thimble-sized buckets of water on a house fire just to finally have Gulliver pee all over it and successfully retard the flames for the people of Lilliputia. Is the fire out? Yes. Does it smell bad? Duh. Is the queen angry about such an indecent exposure to her eyes for 82 games? Uh-huh. Shouldn't she be?

I'm hoping this is making sense.

Dennis Lindsey is Gulliver. We are the people of Lilliputia. Our queen (favorite team) got peed on because of the inadequate resources that we were given to put out a burning fire (Corbin). It may be weak.

But even with the weakness, the week's been telling. For example, Tyrone Corbin on not playing Rudy Gobert:

"Where we are right now, who are you going to play him in front of? You can’t look at just throwing a guy out there just because he’s young. You’ve got to make sure you put him in a position to have some chance of your team being successful and the guy being successful."

And here we get into Coach Corbin's mind. This is why the team is flaming mess just to get peed on at the end of the year by a giant. He didn't know what players should get playing time at what positions.

It made more sense in his mind to play Marvin Williams at PF than SF because Tyrone Corbin was waiting for Shawn Bradley and Manute Bol to come out of retirement just so our $3 million rookie that we prized at the beginning of the year (and sent to the D-League twice) could have a favorable matchup. Now I understand. The clarity is as overwhelming as the confusion once was.

Other teams are happy as a pig in shit that he's not playing Gobert.

In his mind, success doesn't come from personal failure and the ability to overcome it through hard work and perseverance and experience or maybe even your own advantages. Success is a direct result of itself or the opponent's inability to be successful. Profundities.

Corbin looks for two things: Success for the Individual & Success for the Team. So when your team gets out-rebounded by 20 to the Detroit Pistons, this would be a good time to keep your tallest, longest, shot-altering, rebounding machine out of the lineup and continue to play Marvin Williams at PF.

This is why Marvin Williams has guarded Taj Gibson, Dirk Nowitzki, and other PFs: Team and Individual Success. And it was successful...for the Bulls, Mavs, or whoever else has a legitimate PF play the PF position. Or 90% of the teams the Jazz had to play this season in general while he has been our head coach.

I would love to know (someone pee on me) what would have happened if Dick Harter waited for Mugsy Bogues to have a good matchup, or if Larry Brown waited for the right opponent to play the undersized Allen Iverson at the 2-guard, or if Billy Cunningham had told Charles Barkley he couldn't play because the opposing team's PF was legitimately taller than 6-6.

These are extremes but Rudy's size and length are extremes. And we are extremely horrible. There doesn't seem to be too much (or anything) to lose. However, it would be a personal failure, a subjective miscarriage of ego, a triumphant admittance of inadequacy for Corbin, even this late in the game, to show any semblance of cognitive awareness that what he has done up to this point and throughout his entire coaching career has been laughable and wrong.

Corbin is a house fire burning down the queen's respectable home. And the most we have to look forward to is that the thimble-sized water buckets will stop being the answer when the season ends and Lindsey will unzip the fly, much to the embarrassment of the queen and citizens, and put it out.

Long live the people of Lilliputia.

All comments are the opinion of the commenter and not necessarily that of SLC Dunk or SB Nation.

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