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Detroit @ Utah Preview - A GeneralManager Rap Battle Edition

What if Dennis Lindsey and Joe Dumars had a rap battle? Find out below.


In honor of Detroit and one of my favorite movies 8 Mile, this game preview will be done in the style of a rap battle. General Managers Dennis Lindsey and Joe Dumars will each take a turn dissing the other guy, in the style of rap.*

In this corner, weighing in at 180 pounds and General Manager for the Jazz. The Mouth of the South. The Artist Formerly known as the Spurs Assistant GM. The Man with the Rebuilding Plan. Dennis Lindsey.

And in this corner, weighing in at 185 and sporting one of the sweetest GM moustaches the league has ever seen. Cool Joe. The Defensive Specialist. The Son of 313. Joe Dumars.

Gentleman, keep your remarks above the belt.

Dennis Lindsey:

"In 5 years you went from Champs to basically nothin'

You're going in reverse quicker than Benjamin Button

Over the last 3 seasons you've won one of every 3

You should invest in real estate in the draft lottery

Your fans ought to look forward, to your top 10 pick.

So you can do your homework and draft the next Milicic.

Rodney, DJ White, your draft history: there's no topping it.

Honest question for you Joe: Are you or Isiah more incompetent?

Things are looking up Joe, off season cap space will save ya'

Maybe you can re-sign Ben Gordon and Villanueva.

Joe Dumars:

Thanks for the advice. I brought a gift for retort:

Two old bums off the street

Maybe your coach can start them in your backcourt.

Are you stealth tanking, Dennis? Is this all by grand design?

Hey Clippers, you got any more castaways, the Jazz can sign?

Are you a good team or a bad team? Don't think you can decide

Your franchise's peak of relevance was in Celtic Pride

A fictional title in a fictional movie.

As long as you make the playoffs, everything is groovy.

Isn't groovy a word that Jazz fans would say?

You endorse mediocre, like Jared does Subway.

Dennis Lindsey:

Take Singler the Friendly Ghost, the Great White Hype

and you needed a point guard, but you drafted Brandon Knight

And that was such a gaffe, that you had to go

turn a past champion into Jose Calderon

Your team is so boring and lacks so much pizazz

That your own D-town residents blog for the Utah Jazz

Joe Dumars:

My rhymes are like an onion

I'll have you crying with each layer

It takes gumption from your coach to start your worst players

Your starting center, Manna from Heaven

He looks older than my grandma, she's 111.

So your hanging with O'Connor? Such a good apprentice

When's he gonna take off the training wheels Dennis?

Speaking of your teacher, that's a really awful stench

He turned your all star Deron Williams into a pretty decent bench

*This is a fictitious rap battle and the views and opinions are of the author, not the GMs depicted or the teams they represent.