The Downbeat #1363: Get Smart Edition

Bill Simmons had some interesting views on the Utah Jazz in his Weekly Mailbag.

Prediction No. 1: Utah tries like hell to trade up for Jabari Parker.

I'm almost positive that Jabari is the first Mormon who can be described like this: "A little bit of Paul Pierce and a little Carmelo offensively, only if they were more fun to play with, and they were trapped in Rudy Gay's body if Rudy needed to go gluten-free and hire a personal trainer." Hey, Sam Hinkie, you love collecting assets like Leo DiCaprio collects models. And you're not crazy about taking Jabari, anyway - what if Utah flipped you no. 5 for no. 3 and no. 23 and threw in Alec Burks plus a first-round pick-swap in any of the next three years? Would that do it? Any interest? Any?

This is sort of no brainer.  Any team just outside of the top 4 is going to throw everything at the wall and just hope something sticks so they can get one of those top 4 guys.  But what happens if Utah isn't successful in trading up?  Bill Simmons has a theory.

Prediction No. 3: If the Celtics don't trade their pick, they're taking Shawn Marion 2.0 (a.k.a. Aaron Gordon).

That's right, Matrix 2! (Whoops, that movie sucked - bad nickname.) What about ... The Re-Matrix? I believe that Gordon is destined to become this year's Russell Westbrook - a.k.a. the crazy-competitive, crazy-good athlete who doesn't seem to have an official position yet, only the more teams work him out and watch tape of him, the more they fall in love with him. I'm worried about Utah taking him fifth if they can't trade up for Jabari. Don't tell anyone.

In this blogger's opinion, I highly doubt the Jazz will be able to convince Cleveland, Philadelphia, Milwaukee, or Orlando to trade down from their picks.  The Jazz are going to be selecting 5th.  Jeremy Evans has a better chance of becoming Most Improved Player next year than the Jazz have of trading up.  This draft is just too deep and the asking price to move up is just too damn high.

So what are the Jazz's options?

The best option out of that next tier of players is Marcus Smart or *gasp* Dario Saric.  But those players are not being projected to go as high to #5.  The only reason Marcus Smart is being projected that high is because of the fit with Utah.  So what are Utah's options?  Trade down.  In a draft where Utah misses out on the top prospects, it would require the Jazz to wreck the truck just to be able to collect on the insurance money just to make the truck payment.

I'm no Peter Novak so I won't throw trade scenarios out for the Jazz, but if a team just behind Utah like Boston or someone else is worried the Jazz will snatch Vonleh or Gordon, I say the Jazz swap picks and go for Marcus Smart or Dario at a lower pick.  By that point all of these prospects, Vonleh/Gordon/Smart/Saric/Randle/McDermott, are in the same draft tier.  Gain some draft capital, draft picks, and find a way to improve your team through additional methods and land the guy they settled for.

An update from Moni concerning the Jazz's coaching search.

Apr. 22: Have interest in ETTORE MESSINA — Marc Stein, ESPN

Apr. 24: Have interest in QUIN SNYDER — Marc Stein, ESPN

May 1: A coach that believes in and sees value in analytics — Ian Thomsen, SI

May 7: Had interest in STEVE KERR — Marc Stein, ESPN

May 14: Plan to gauge JOHN STOCKTON‘s interest — Marc Stein, ESPN

May 15: Received permission to interview ADRIAN GRIFFIN — Adrian Wojanrowski, Yahoo

May 15: Have interest in LIONEL HOLLINS — Marc Spears, Yahoo

May 17: Said he would like to coach the Jazz — EARL WATSON

May 21: Have already interviewed ADRIAN GRIFFIN — Marc Spears, Yahoo

May 21: Expected to interview ALVIN GENTRY — Marc Spears, Yahoo

BREAKING NEWS! Just kidding there is none.  It's May 27th and the Jazz will be rumored to possibly interview another candidate if they get their Skype to work properly.  Randy Rigby currently is frustrated that someone else has "RandyBabyYEAH" as their Skype handle already and is unwilling to compromise with RandyBabyYEAH3".  HE'S THE REAL RANDYBABYYEAH.  NOT SOME IMPOSTER.  WHO DOES THAT OTHER GUY THINK HE IS IMPERSONATING SOMEONE OF SUCH HIGH STATURE.  FaceTime?  Use FaceTime?  No.  This 'Merica.  Home of the Skype.  Randy Rigby doesn't use no stinkin' FaceTime.

*"Hey Randy, you get that Skype to work so we can interview Stockton?"*

No.  NO.  I refuse to use it if I can't have RandyBabyYEAH.  What would the greatest point guard of all time think of Randy Rigby, All Powerful Overlord and President of the Utah Jazz, if he had to succumb to numeral digits in his username?  BOW BEFORE ME AND ALLOW ME MY SKYPE.

*Stares blankly at computer screen*

*Turns around to his secretary and points at the user RandyBabyYEAH*

Can you find where this guy is?  Can you Webcrawler him?

*"You mean google him?"*

No, Linda, I want you to date him.  OF COURSE, I WANT YOU TO GOOGLE HIM.  FIND HIM.  BRING HIM TO ME.  THIS DOMAIN IS MINE.

*"You could just send him a message over Skype.  I mean, you have his contact information."*

Oh ... yes.  Why thank you, Linda.

*Sends message happily and begins to wait patiently*

*Somewhere in Washington John Stockton stares at his watch while occasionally looking at his computer screen with Skype loaded*  *Sighs*

--END SCENE--

Did anybody see me covering a few tennis matches over the weekend?  Admittedly I don't really watch tennis.  Not a big fan.  But I really feel I was able to ask the hard hitting questions.

Spoiler Alert: It's not me.  But since it's a slow news day and this is hilarious, it makes it at the 5 spot.