I’m writing on behalf of the Utah Jazz because I’m guessing they haven’t sent you a wish list. I mean, if they release wishlists like they do injury timelines, you’ll probably never hear anything and so it’s vital a fan like me writes you. In a league with a superteam like the Golden State Warriors, the Jazz need all the help they can get.
So, here is a list of requests I had...
1. Please no more injuries
I can’t take any more of this, Santa. I really can’t. We’ve had so many injuries this season that I can’t remember what a normal rotation would look like. And don’t just take my word for it, Amar did a great job covering just how bad our injury situation has been.
I know you’re not into evil stuff, but maybe your elves have some sort of dark rituals they can do to help us? I think they’re related to gnomes or something like that. I’m down for anything.
2. Please make Rudy defensive player of the year
Santa, you probably don’t know this cause ESPN has a rule against Jazz highlights, but Rudy Gobert is the best defensive player in the game. I don’t know why we aren’t allowed highlights of our team, but can you somehow get the word out? Or ... maybe you do strait up wishes? That brings up another question. Are you kind of like a genie with a beard? I would sincerely like to know how your magic works.
Either way, Santa, Rudy should be DPOY. And it’s not just for his raw defensive stats (2.8 blocks per game) or his incredible rim protection but his league wide reputation, as well. Players are afraid of Rudy, Santa, probably like you are of someone infiltrating your database and accessing the whereabouts of your toys, or magic. They’re so scared that a lot of players avoid the rim altogether while he’s in the game...
Need more proof, Santa? What Rudy did to the Kings was truly NAUGHTY.
Guess you could say that Rudy really SLEIGHED them, amirite? ..... Santa, I’m sorry.
3. Please help us re-sign George Hill
We’ve become so good with George Hill, Santa. In early November he won Player of the week along with Lebron James. He’s a perfect fit in Utah, Santa. I bet it’s a lot like when you brought on Rudolph to lead your sleigh. It’s kind of similar with George. He leads the way, Santa. Through our metaphorical Christmas storms...
When George Hill plays, the Jazz win a lot of games, Santa. I just want to see Hill in a Jazz uniform for a long time. It looks really good on him. And if there’s anyone who can appreciate someone looking good in a uniform it’s you, Santa.
4. Please help us get at least one win against the Warriors.
The Warriors were very naughty in Utah, Santa. They squeaked a win out against our bench unit but were somehow annoyed by our coach trying to win.
Draymond Green on his late laugh with KD:"We was laughing that Quin Snyder kept calling timeouts. Like bro, you down 10 with 6 seconds left" pic.twitter.com/U4rOqFjKIz— Anthony Slater (@anthonyVslater) December 9, 2016
I really would like this, Santa. It would be so satisfying to see Draymond lose against us. I mean, haven’t you ever wanted to punk slap the Grinch? I bet you have. Well, for every time you had to clench your jolly, velvet gloved fists, give us this one, Santa.
5. Glasses for officials
I think they lost their prescription. Just looking out for them.
Well, that’s it, Santa. If we could have these things happen, I’d be as happy as Ralphie getting his Red Rider Beebee gun.
But, if you can’t do these things, can I at least get a Playstation or something?