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Christmas Gifts for the Utah Jazz

Gifting the team the presents we so dearly want them to have

VAT: Opening Of Xmas Celebrations At The VaticanE Photo by Franco Origlia/Getty Images

Merry Christmas to everyone who will still accept that greeting! (Happy Holidays and Seasons Greetings to everyone else.) It’s Christmas time! It’s, if the songs about it are to be believed, the most wonderful time of the year! Growing up this meant snow, no school, carols, decorating the house, baked goods, and PRESENTS! I don’t control the weather (yet...) and I’m not going to break into Dennis Lindsey’s house to leave baked goods, so what I can do is give the team presents online!

So let’s start the gift giving!


  • George Hill: A clean bill of health and a quick return to what he was doing in the first weeks of the NBA Season
  • Rodney Hood: A little bit more defensive bball IQ
  • Gordon Hayward: A trip to the ‘lost and found’ to retrieve his three point shot (over 40% in two of his first three seasons)
  • Derrick Favors: To pass his medical evaluations and have his minutes no longer be restricted
  • Rudy Gobert: The team to play at a slightly faster pace so he can get a few more points, rebounds, blocks, and steals a game.

Idealized Key Bench:

  • Dante Exum: I want him to have a copy of whatever dirt Shelvin has on the coaches
  • Alec Burks: Invincibility!
  • Joe Johnson: More post-ups and spot-ups!
  • Trey Lyles: Some old 80s and 90s videos of Tom Chambers to watch and learn from
  • Boris Diaw: To make sure his coffee importer can reach him all season long

Deep Rotation:

  • Raul Neto: A book on “reasons to stay in the NBA and not return to Europe after your contract is up”
  • Shelvin Mack: A normal point guard’s understanding of when to shoot and pass (with an emphasis on passing)
  • Joe Ingles: More time with the family!
  • Joel Bolomboy: Playing time in the NBA. Kid has earned some by now.
  • Jeff Withey: Some sort of dating app on his phone that will allow him to meet nice girls who don’t flake out and go crazy on him after he spends an entire summer with her and her pals out on vacation in exotic foreign paradises and so forth.

And to the Utah Jazz fans — I wish all of us would receive the present of an NBA Championship! (Soon!)