The Case of the Wythaudi, the true story of Jeff Withey.

The Wythaudi (With-OUTey) is a reproachful creature akin to the nefarious shoulder devil. But, while the shoulder devil is a diminutive imp, the Wythaudi is a tall and gangly neerdowell. They do have something very much in common however, and that is the ability to not only suggest no-good rotten ideas, but to convince their unfortunate audience to follow through with these terrible plans. Surprisingly none of those duped into action remember where the malignant ideas came from, as if their husky mutterings have an amnesic effect. No one knows why they want to bring all that listen to them to ruin, but history is littered with examples of their victims acting on the dark promptings whispered into unwary ears.

-- Exerpt of the journal of one Quinicus Shnyderificus, the wizard of truth (colloquially known as ‘Lord Murderface’)

To fully study the effect of the Wythaudi we will be referencing the sorry case of the 2015-16 Utah Jazz. Most casual observers would assume poor luck or maybe an incompetent training staff for the abundance of misery and injuries suffered by the team that year. However, I posit that a Wythaudi is to blame for their misfortune. It all starts with the signing of one Jeff Withey. Now first and foremost we can summize that this fiend is particularly cunning due to his choice of name. No one would think that a being with such an inclusive name like Withey, which denotes togetherness and solidarity, could possibly be such a divisive character. But too often was he sighted whispering into the ears of his teammates, uncomfortably close leaning over their shoulders like a diseased crane.

One such moment involved the poor demise of one Elijah Millsap. Some will say that he signed a contract to play in the Philippines. Yet others will say, in a darkened locker room with a flashlight placed disturbingly under their chin that "they’ll never find the body, and if you don’t want to end up like him you better WAKE UP!!!" But the truth is, Withey got to him. Soon after the devastatingly close loss to the Warriors, during practice, Withey was documented muttering "But look at those giant chicken legs, I bet they would taste better than momma’s cookin’ You should take a bite." in the young Millsap’s ear. The very next time down the court when Rudy was driving the lane for a layup, Elijah was seeing hurtling at Gobert’s knee mouth wide open. Everybody wrote it off as an accident, everyone except the coach. His soul eating piercing gaze seemed to see right through the facade. Later that night in an effort to prevent Young Millsap from falling even farther under the sway of the Wythaudi, he was cut from the team and sent away.

(To Be Continued).

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