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Mavs @ Jazz Overtone: Sticks and stones will break your bones, Dirk

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Let’s give Dirk some fun names. Names can also hurt him.

NBA: Utah Jazz at Dallas Mavericks Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

If you’re anything like me, you’re still way up from last night’s awesome victory in San Antonio. The Mavericks are 0-3. Let’s get them to 0-4, joining the Pelicans and Suns with the worst record in Western Conference. I love seeing the Mavs suffer, especially after what they did to us (errr... I guess we probably did to ourselves) at the end of last season when our varsity squad lost to their sophomore squad.

As Dirk Nowitzki is flopping his way to the free throw line tonight, I thought it might be fun to come up with some fun Dirk nicknames we can call him as he is draining the free throws.

Here are some names that were given to him on the Conan O’Brien show.

I’ll try to come up with a few. If you have some ideas, leave them in the comments. I’d love to hear more!

The really white guy — Marc Spears wrote a pretty cool article for The Undefeated a few weeks ago about the diminishing numbers of American white guys in the NBA. Dirk is not American, but he seems every bit a white American as the next guy. I mean, just watch this video. The last 20 seconds, especially, are pure gold.

Take Dat Wit Chew!!! — For some reason I was randomly watching this game live. I think Dirk was injured and was helping out with the commentary during the game. Somebody threw down a big alley-oop while he was commentating and Dirk went nuts screaming, “Take dat wit chew!!” in a great German accent. I was put into instantaneous laughter. Sadly, there is no video on the internet, except for some weird remixes trying to take the famous phrase and make it into a cool rap song or something. Somebody knows that this phrase is gold and is trying to keep it to themselves. Losers.

The Big 180 — Dirk is part of the very distinguished 50-40-90 club. Add them up, you’ll get 180. This is an incredible accomplishment for anyone. Factor in that Dirk is 6’11’’ and I think it makes it even more incredible. He really is a rare talent.

Fake Tough Guy — Dirk has had many skirmishes with the Jazz over his long career. For some reason, there is not a lot of video on the internet documenting them. The most recent that I can recall would be maybe last season. Joe Ingles and Dirk were jostling for position at the top of the key. Dirk kept flopping and eventually got the call. He then proceeded to get in Joe’s face. We all know Jinglin’ Joe doesn’t back down. I’d imagine he’s a great trash talker too. I don’t think that this is the instance I was thinking of, but gives us a good visual.

I believe there was one involving Favors too. Anyone else remember this or any other Dirk vs. Jazz skirmishes?

Tall White Ginobli — Maybe it’s just because this is fresh on my mind from last night...

But Dirk is a fantastic flopper. He has scored many a point from the free thrown line because of this flopping. Pathetic.

That’s all I’ve got folks. Any good ideas? Ah, who cares? Let’s get this win tonight!