Today’s game against the New York Knicks is timed just right for a Sunday matinee. If you’re going to the movies you need candy! Here’s some of the game’s most prominent names and their candy bar counterparts.
George Hill: Mr. Goodbar
Hill may not be flashy but he’s nothing if not good. He works in just about any variety bag. He’s underrated, satisfying, and you know your dad loves him.
Joakim Noah: Whatchamacallit
Noah is all over the place. He can be absolutely crazy. With him you never know what you’re gonna get. A lot of people really like him while just as many can’t stand him.
Gordon Hayward: Snickers
Gordon is everything you can ask for. He can fill the stat sheet in any category. Pretty much everyone agrees that he is good. He is the leader of our candy brigade.
Derrick Rose: Take Five
*Insert joke about taking time off* No but really, he’s unconventional but gets the job done. Was a pretty big success when he first came out but recently has lost a step.
Joe Johnson: Milky Way
Joe is as smooth as can be. Has been a staple in the candy community about as long as anyone in the game right now. Similar to the Snickers bar but you just wish he’d go nuts some time.
Carmelo Anthony: Caramello
Of course. You can’t disprove that he wasn’t named after Cadbury’s smooth candy bar. He’s one of your favorites if you’re into only doing one thing. For so long he’s been the only good thing on his team.
Rudy Gobert: Toblerone
Rudy is foreign. He’s lengthy. He’s premium. He’s one of a kind. If you didn’t know about him going into the draft you probably overlooked him.
Kristaps Porzingis: Zero Bar
Porzingis was not the first choice of Knicks fans when he was drafted. He’s unusual. He’s quite tall. He kind of came out of nowhere. Kristaps is crazy good.
Is your mouth watering for this game yet? Have these players been fairly represented by their respective candy bars? Who else on these teams has a fitting candy counterpart?